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Foster Parenting


10-12-2016, 11:52 PM #1
Todd
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Just curious if anyone here is or has every been a Foster Parent?  

My wife did foster care with her first husband before we met.  She had an adopted son from Haiti who was 18 when we first started dating.  When Jodie's first husband left her, he for all practical purposes also abandoned their four biological children (ages 3,7,9 and 11 at the time).  When I married Jodie it would have been detrimental to our children to have foster children at that time, due to the emotional healing they needed from the abandonment of their biological father.  

When the children got older God brought many people across our path to help and minister to from inside our home.  For quite a few years we had people in and out of our home that needed ministry, counseling, healing, refuge etc.  We rarely went more than a few months without having someone in our home who needed help.  When we made the decision to move and build a new house we took a couple year hiatus from having people in need stay with us. Now that we are somewhat settled in our new home we are ready to continue the mission that we feel God has given us through Matthew 25:31-40 (my sig line).  We prayed about it and felt God was leading us to do foster care again.

I would love to hear stories and experiences from any who may have been or are currently a foster parent.  I would love to hear pros and cons and any advice or pointers you may have.  I am also hoping that sharing this might inspire or move some of the great people on this forum to also consider becoming foster parents.  

James 1:27 religion pure and undefiled with the God and Father is this, to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation -- unspotted to keep himself from the world.

Then shall the king say to those on his right hand, Come ye, the blessed of my Father, inherit the reign that hath been prepared for you from the foundation of the world;

And the king answering, shall say to them, Verily I say to you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of these my brethren -- the least -- to me ye did

10-12-2016, 11:59 PM #2
justjess
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Not a foster parent but worked with foster kids for many years as a caseworker. It's a very honorable thing to do and also a real lifeline to these kids who have honestly often been living in a nightmare for so long.

I would do it in a second if my husbands criminal record didn't disqualify me.

10-13-2016, 01:17 AM #3
Yahda
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My mom and dad are foster/adopting parents. I have two adopted brothers who came as toddlers and are now young adults. I plan on following in my mother and father footsteps one day soon. My aunt and my grandmother, Lord rest her soul were both foster and adopting parents as well.
This post was last modified: 10-13-2016, 04:43 AM by Yahda.

~Yahda
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10-13-2016, 02:03 AM #4
Todd
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(10-13-2016, 01:17 AM)Yahda Wrote:  My mom and dad are foster/adopting parents. I have two adopted brothers who came as toddlers and are now grown. I plan on following in my mothers footsteps one day soon. My aunt and my grandmother, Lord rest her soul were both foster and adopting parents as well.

Yahda, thanks for sharing.  Your parents must have done something right for you to want to follow in their footsteps.  I think that is awesome.   I understand if you don't want to go into details, but if you are willing to answer, what was the situation/s your two adopted brothers came from?  i.e. did their parents pass away?  where they removed from an abusive or neglectful situation, etc?

Then shall the king say to those on his right hand, Come ye, the blessed of my Father, inherit the reign that hath been prepared for you from the foundation of the world;

And the king answering, shall say to them, Verily I say to you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of these my brethren -- the least -- to me ye did
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10-13-2016, 02:09 AM #5
slave_of_God
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Hi, hope that's relevant, and thanks for this nice thread

Qur'an 33:4-5

"...Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But God tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of God. But if you know not their father's (names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And God is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."

There is no god besides The Formless and Only Unique and Indivisible God
"My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never
miss me and that what misses me was never meant for me"
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10-13-2016, 02:30 AM #6
Todd
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(10-13-2016, 02:09 AM)slave_of_God Wrote:  Hi, hope that's relevant, and thanks for this nice thread

Qur'an 33:4-5

"...Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But God tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of God. But if you know not their father's (names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And God is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."

Could you elaborate on what you think this means?  I'm not familiar with the context of the verse.  Is it saying if you adopt a child you should not change their last name to yours if the biological fathers name is known?

I never asked or required my step-children to call me dad or father and legally I could not adopt them since their Dad was still alive, though barely present in their lives.  He would make cameo appearances now and then after disappearing for months or even a year at time.  The three youngest started calling my daddy the day we got married, and I even had to stop them from calling me that before the wedding day.  The oldest held out for about a year until he too started to call me Daddy.  

When the oldest was about 25 years old he actually requested that I legally adopt him so he could change his last name to mine.  Actually he went to my father first and asked for his permission to take our last name.

Then shall the king say to those on his right hand, Come ye, the blessed of my Father, inherit the reign that hath been prepared for you from the foundation of the world;

And the king answering, shall say to them, Verily I say to you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of these my brethren -- the least -- to me ye did
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10-13-2016, 02:41 AM #7
Yahda
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My youngest brother had a loving mother.  She was just kind of mentally retarded for lack of better words. He's also artistic. However lots of love and attention brought him a long way. We were blessed enough to get him in the right programs and provide him with the necessary resources. Now he's working and about to graduate HS. He's in a program where he can go to high school to age 21 so this will be his last year. 

They tried to put him on medicine as a kid and I told my mother NO. I can almost swear if we would have listened to the Dr's and lazy teachers he would not be where he is today. We surrounded him with love, and worked to develope his strengths. The biggest challenges he face today is the fact that he's a young adult but mentally still a kid as you have with a lot of autistic children. If that's his biggest problem I would say he's blessed. That's how I see it.

My older younger brother had four other siblings. All together there was 2 boys, 3 girls. The boys came to live with us as foster children and the girls all went with another lady. Their mom took them to a restaurant, told them she would be back and never returned. Both boys were with us for about 5, 6 years, then it came time for adoption. They were allowed to test out other families. The one brother went with the family who had material wealth. My brother said I'm staying right here where I am loved. 

In both cases the caseworkers failed the children and parents miserably. They told my older younger brother his mother was dead. He said take me to her grave and they couldn't produce a grave. He was waiting on the bus one day a few years ago and ended up seeing his mother, uncle cousins they were all on their way to a family reunion and he was able to join them along with his other brother who once lived with us.

My youngest brother the caseworkers weren't doing their jobs. His mother became pregnant again, miscarried her baby and they charged her with murder and she's been in a mental hospital since serving a life sentence. They basically railroaded her to cover their behinds. I'm always contacting attorneys trying to see what can we do to help. It's been about ten years now. She loved her child. Although she was mentally challenged, she raised him the best she could. Every Tuesday she could visit and she NEVER missed a visit. It was just a very unfortunate situation. I'm sad just thinking about it.

Anyway I feel like I'm rambling. I'm kind of tired. Hope this makes sense. Any questions feel free to ask.
This post was last modified: 10-13-2016, 04:44 AM by Yahda.

~Yahda

10-13-2016, 03:54 AM #8
Thy Unveiling
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Unfortunately, most people I've known who were in foster care were placed with people who were foster parents for the wrong reasons. The kids were not usually treated well. It's harder for, and with, older kids (to my knowledge) but those kids have been through a lot.

There are good stories I've heard/read as well. A girl I knew had a really bad drug addiction and lost both her very young boys to the system. Sad, I know. Sadder still, a year or so later she decided to sign over her rights and allow the foster parents to adopt her baby boys. Still, I think it's kinda sweet that the fosters fell in love with the boys enough to adopt them. Another example of the fostering world is in the Boy Called It book series. Very, very troubling read....but it does have a happy ending (as happy as it can get, given the circumstances, anyway) and is a true story. I think it's the second novel in the series that chronicles his time in foster care.

If you and your wife want to do it, I say go for it! These kids need some positive adult figures and lots and lots of love and to be treated with a sense of respect. Knowing you, you'll respect them enough to give them (I'm thinking of an older child here) the space they need to adjust to an unfamiliar environment without forcing your opinions and presence upon them right away more than necessary. I think the biggest issue for you and your wife would be getting attached to the kids then having them taken away. You would miss them and worry about them. You have a very big heart, and I assume your wifes heart is just as big as yours. It'd be impossible for you to not get attached over time.

I hope you get into it. You'd be exactly what so many of these kids need! Heart

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

There's only one true judge and that's God; so chill and let Our Father do His job
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10-13-2016, 04:16 AM #9
slave_of_God
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Qur'an 33:4-5


"...Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But God tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of God. But if you know not their father's (names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And God is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."

In the light of faith, given that on the Day of Judgment, God Will Call to account every human being by 'O the son/daughter of so and so', we should call them by the names of their fathers. It is juster. If we don't have knowledge of such, then we should address them like we would address our brothers in faith or our trustees. God Is Most-Forgiving and Most Merciful though because He Knows how much love He Put in our hearts for them, so the most important is our pure intention. We should also always be seeking His Forgiveness while bearing in mind that Certainly He Is Able to do all things. And God Knows Best.

There is no god besides The Formless and Only Unique and Indivisible God
"My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never
miss me and that what misses me was never meant for me"
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10-13-2016, 04:29 AM #10
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Todd, if you and your wife decide to do rhis, I'm glad. I wish I'd had a foster dad like you when I was a kid. From getting to know you a bit on here, I'd have had life a lot better than in the group home.

I did stay in a foster home for a few days, but the people were a bit strange. they made me uncomfortable. they were christians... Mormon I think, and tried to take me to church immediately. I was catholic at the time and never went to church or even had a baptism, and it was kind of crazy.

But if they'd approached me about God the way it seems you hold Him in your lives, it would've been much more tolerable to adjust to. Then I probably wouldn't have been a satanist for like, 15 years.

I know you're coming in the night like a thief, but I've had some time alone, to hone my lying technique. I know you think that I'm someone you can trust, but I'm scared I'll get scared, and I swear I'll try to nail you back up. So do you think that we could work out a sign, so I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try? I know you're coming for the people like me. We've all got wood and nails, turned out in a hate factory.
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