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06-22-2016, 12:58 PM #1
Thy Unveiling
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I was thinking maybe having a thread for those wanting advice on various things might be a good idea.

I know right now I feel I really need advice on potty training my stubborn 2 year old daughter. She was doing great at first, aside from not consistently telling me when she has to go. I've been using the reward system (better treats for #2s than #1s, of course) combined with having 2 tiny toilets for her. One in the bathroom beside the big toilet (for obvious reasons) and one in the living room so she can sit on it while watching her Potty Movie (it's seriously called that) or we'll read books while she's on it (I keep "The New Potty" by Mercer Mayer with her toilet); I also keep it parked near her toybox and give her snacks so she is less inclined to get up and wander. She even liked me making a big deal of her going, so much so that she'd congratulate me on *my* using the toilet (which was really cute!)

But now we're at a standstill. She's had a couple visits with her dad, and always comes back with us needing to start at square one. I know they've been trying on his end, but she acts like she doesn't know what her potty is. Now at both places (mine and her dad's, separately) she saves it for her training pants. Which she is then given a Time Out for once she's been changed.

I've tried putting cute big girl underwear on her and said "You don't want to pee on your pretty underpants, do you?" But she does.

It's been a month or two now that I've been focusing on getting her out of diapers. She does want the big girl underwear, and she says "Uh-oh!" or "Ew! Yuck!" when she soils herself. But I honestly don't know what to do anymore, aside from what I already have been. I don't remember training my son as I didn't really have to. One weekend I had him and he was in diapers. Two weeks later I got him back, and he was fully trained (minus the odd accident, ofc)

I told her dad today I think I should keep her until she's fully trained. But I'm worried even if that works, she'll go over there and all the hard work will be undone...

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

There's only one true judge and that's God; so chill and let Our Father do His job
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06-23-2016, 06:37 AM #2
Allegedly
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Just keep working on it. If at first you don't succeed, try a bigger hammer Big Grin . All children are different and it will happen when it happens. My one piece of advise would be to remove time-out from the situation as soiling herself is probably punishment enough.
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06-23-2016, 09:36 AM #3
Thy Unveiling
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Ty Allegedly Blush

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

There's only one true judge and that's God; so chill and let Our Father do His job
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  • DesertRose1

06-23-2016, 10:26 AM #4
Todd
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Every child is different...you definitely do not want to raise your kids comparing them to each other.  It's not fair to either child.  A month or two for a two year old is certainly not an outrageous amount of time to work on it.  Apparently you got spoiled by how easy it was with your son.

Then shall the king say to those on his right hand, Come ye, the blessed of my Father, inherit the reign that hath been prepared for you from the foundation of the world;

And the king answering, shall say to them, Verily I say to you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of these my brethren -- the least -- to me ye did
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  • Thy Unveiling

06-23-2016, 10:35 AM #5
damien50
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Take the diaper off and monitor food and liquid intake.

My parent spanked me and my cousins whenever we soiled ourselves so we ended up associating using that bathroom with not feeling pain.

But she monitored intake more than anything, the spanking came when we would just do it on the floor lol

The Continuation of the Truth

Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord . [9] For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
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  • Thy Unveiling

06-23-2016, 12:12 PM #6
Thy Unveiling
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You are very right indeed, Todd! In many ways with my son, I did have it easy! I never knew how much so until the wee miss came along. (Although mom is always telling me "She's SO MUCH like you were at that age!" I've wondered a few times if maybe I shoulda named her Karma cuz yeaaaaaaah all the stuff my mom says about me in the 80s sounds identical to my little girl now, and the way my mom handled things sounds like a slightly more patient, crafty version of me.) And yes, you're also right in reminding me I shouldn't compare apples to oranges. I know better, but sometimes I forget when I get frustrated. My sisters and I are all very different from eachother yet similar in other ways, as I'm sure you could say of your 4 kids (one of whom shares my name) so ty for that gentle reminder!

Damien, I didn't even think of intake tbh. Although on the hotter days, she does need to drink a lot more. (I substitute spankings with time outs. I live in a place where yelling at your kids is now considered child abuse-i wish I was joking-and I tend to get loud when I'm either excited or frustrated, so I'm always afraid someone is going to call CAS on me for it. Although they have no genuine reason to take her from me, wellll my thoughts on the children's services conspiracy is for another thread at a time I can gather them more coherently. But she is a stunningly beautiful girl, and I don't say that simply because she's mine. If she looked like a potato headed gremlin, I would admit it. And you know how much people value aesthetic beauty, especially in sick circles, so I worry not entirely needlessly.)

Today is a better day. One day at a time.

How are you all? Anyone have anything they'd like to share or wouldn't mind some opinions on?

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

There's only one true judge and that's God; so chill and let Our Father do His job
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06-23-2016, 04:06 PM #7
Trenton
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Your son probably had an easier time being potty trained by his dad due to ehm, their shared plumbing, Lol

I know my mom got me toilet trained by 2 and a half, by using a sticker chart. And a toilet seat that is actually attached to the real toilet. I loved using the step stool. Any chance to use a step stool was a big deal in my mind as a kid.

I can't remember how quickly or easily it was done. I also remember my training pants had cool pictures on them that would vanish if they got wet, so that was extra incentive to stay dry.

My mom used this method for me and my two brothers, and there weren't too many issues, not even bet wetting.

So, sticker chart, cool pants, use of the grown up potty, and lots of patience haha.

I think the sticker chart was very successful because I could visualize how many times I made it on the potty versus my misses. I could always see it on the wall, and keep track of my own progress.
This post was last modified: 06-23-2016, 04:08 PM by Trenton.

I know you're coming in the night like a thief, but I've had some time alone, to hone my lying technique. I know you think that I'm someone you can trust, but I'm scared I'll get scared, and I swear I'll try to nail you back up. So do you think that we could work out a sign, so I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try? I know you're coming for the people like me. We've all got wood and nails, turned out in a hate factory.
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  • Thy Unveiling

06-23-2016, 09:46 PM #8
Thy Unveiling
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She does love stickers and her stepstool...brilliant ideas!

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

There's only one true judge and that's God; so chill and let Our Father do His job
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  • Trenton

06-26-2016, 10:33 AM #9
Riddler
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(06-22-2016, 12:58 PM)Thy Unveiling Wrote:  potty problems

From what i got from this excerpt was that you and the dad of the same kid are not together?

The way i read the situation is that you have 'rewarded' the kid by using the potty properly.
The kid goes to the father and all your work is gone.

I can only come to one conclusion from this:

The dad lets the kid just go in their pants. Being a bit blunt i'd say he 'doesnt care'.
I COULD read it as the dad wanting to be the cool dad and leaving all the 'difficult' chores
up to you; read, potty training is your job, not his.
I COULD go as far as to say dad is giving the girl lots of 'rewards' or 'things' that she
ONLY gets from you if she potties well.

Conclusion for the child: i can get the same stuff and i dont need to go to the potty.

I dont think dad is doing this intentionally, i do believe however he doesnt go with your
'education' and he just 'does his thing' regardless of the consequences.
Again, cool daddy versus mom that is doing the hard work of 'educating'.


My 2 cents on this matter. That is all i got from what i read, and i dont think i'm far off.
Then again, i have no sufficient insight in the matter (im not there) so its a theorem based
upon information provided.

The only advice i can give to you is twofold in this situation

1) Make sure dad does YOUR things too. demand it.
2) Turn 'rewarding' for going to the potty into 'punishment' for NOT going to the potty.

personally, i'd go for both.

btw the sticker chart is a good idea, but it only works in a non-seperate home.
You'll have a sticker system, at daddy's, its not there. So that is not going to work.
It only would work if you'd do the sticker thing both at yours as at dads.
Double rewards, to be frank.
Every 10 stickers is 1 favourite icecream or whatever.
That means 1 icecream at moms with 10 stickers, and 1 icecream at dads with 10 stickers.

for every sticker of not going to the potty, there should be a 'punishment'. Obviously a very light
one, something like NOT getting an icecream or whatever.

still, i say the problem is the relationship of kid vs dad and kid vs mom. again, cool dad vs mom
the demander (exegerating somewhat, but you get the point)
This post was last modified: 06-26-2016, 10:37 AM by Riddler.

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout ‘Save us!’ And I'll whisper ‘No
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06-26-2016, 10:53 AM #10
Thy Unveiling
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I'd say you're on the right track, Riddler. Actually the same day I posted this thread (hopefully in the future someone else wanting advice will post in here too!) I had left a message with the ex telling him if they're not going to aid in consistency on his end) then I'm going to keep her until she's fully out of diapers. I know I'm definitely "the hardass" out of he and I; always have been. (I'm sure in our time interacting around here, you've seen moments of "TU's got the bitch boots on today!")

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

There's only one true judge and that's God; so chill and let Our Father do His job
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  • Trenton




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