#Login Register
The Vigilant Citizen Forums
I want to embrace Islam but my family says NO

04-28-2016, 08:21 PM #1
Status: Offline Posts:2,465 Likes Received:6373
Salam People. I decided to put this in a thread of its own and I hope that other users will respect my request to please keep debates and insults out of this thread.  It is for information/advice and support purposes ONLY  Insha'Allah

Thank you.

When the light of Islam fills your heart, no one can distinguish it unless God Willed.  One of the biggest obstacles and trials for new converts to Islam is telling their parents/family members about their new found faith in God.  Islam teaches us to be on the most noble of characteristics and to have the best- honest and upright manners in all of our dealings.  We are not permitted to cut the family ties and this is considered a big sin.  God says what means:

O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allâh through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship.) Surely, Allâh is Ever an All-­Watcher over you. (An-Nisa 4:1)

  Insha'Allah some Muslims on this board may be able to give insight or advice to those who want to embrace Islam but are hesitant due to pressure or bad treatment from their family members.


It is one of the beauties of Islam that, with respect to the treatment of parents, it forbids the Muslim to be disrespectful to them even if they should be non-Muslims who are fanatical to the point of arguing with him and putting pressure on him to renounce Islam. Allah Ta’ala says:

…Be grateful to Me and to thy parents; to Me is (the final) goal. But if they strive to compel thee to associate with Me that of which thou hast no knowledge, do not obey them; but keep company with them in this life in a kind manner and follow the way of those who turn to Me. Then to Me will be your return and I will inform you ((of the meaning of) all that you did

. (31:14-15)

In these two verses the Muslim is commanded not to obey his parents in what they try to tell him to do in this regard, since there cannot be obedience to a creature in sin against the Creator-and what sin could be greater than associating partners with Allah?

At the same time, he is commanded to treat them honorably in this world, unaffected by their stand against his faith, and to follow the path of those righteous Believers who turn to Allah and to leave the judgement between himself and his parents to the Most Just of Judges, on a Day when the parents will not be able to benefit the child nor the child the parent. Indeed, such tolerant and beneficent teachings are not to be found in any other religion. (SOURCE)

The following 9 users Like khadeejah's post:
  • yiksmes, The Creeper, 24theking, Kung Fu, MoroccanEyes, Tarikko, seekinheart, Sunflower, Scimitar

04-28-2016, 10:17 PM #2
Status: Away Posts:300 Likes Received:1061
Assalam sister,

my advice for new revert would be taking it slow. Keep the new faith to themselves and keep praying that Allah will make things easier for you.

Allah knows best why and when He gives you the hidayah. So, when you feel the time is right, just do it.

Nobody know when we are going to die.  The sooner you submit to His Wills the better.

Sorry, I maybe able to think of better advice tomorrow, jnshaAllah. It is obvious that I need to sleep now Smile
This post was last modified: 04-28-2016, 10:40 PM by Sunflower.

I seek refuge with Allah's perfect words from the evil of His creations.
The following 5 users Like Sunflower's post:
  • The Creeper, 24theking, Scimitar, Tarikko, khadeejah

04-29-2016, 12:42 AM #3
Status: Offline Posts:2,465 Likes Received:6373
walaikis-salam wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuhu Sister  Heart jazakillahu khair

How Do I Tell My Parents and Family I’m A Muslim?

This is probably the hardest thing you will have to do as a new Muslim.
For many people, it poses the prospect of opening up old wounds, risking hurt feelings on both sides, and threatens to rip apart familial relationships.
For others, they know that they will be accepted by their parents, siblings, and other family members unconditionally.
For teenagers, my advice would be different than advice that I would offer to an adult, especially one who is living on their own, and may already be married. Insha’Allah, I will address the concerns of young people who still live at home first.

Advice for Teenagers

Oftentimes, this is a situation which is best handled with care. There are no exact directions that I can offer to you, because how you and your family deal with this is based on a number of things: your age, your community, your relationship with your family, your previous religious experiences, your parents’ commitment (or lack of) to a certain religion, and their willingness to explore new ideas.
Although it seems like a wacky idea, it has been said by other converts, and now by myself as well, that it oftentimes might be better to wait six months, a year or more to tell them. The reasons for this vary: you need to be more established in Islamic practices, and you need time to make friends and build a support system within the Muslim community. This is so that if your parents react to your announcement by attempting to “deprogram you,” or schedule “an appointment” with the local minister / priest / rabbi, you will be able to rely on your knowledge of Quran, and the strength that being a practicing Muslim has given you.
Allowing yourself time to build a support system within the Muslim community is important so that you will have friends to help and guide you, to help answer any questions or concerns your family might have, and to help you out should your parents decide that you can no longer live in their house.
If you are fearful that your family may react with physical abuse, or a kidnapping and “deprogramming” attempt (yes, it happens), please make sure that you have someone there as a witness and support. Whether you are Muslim or not, you have the right not to be abused. If your family is abusive towards you, seek the necessary help to get out of that situation as soon as possible.

Another reason that it might be wise to wait a while is to allow your parents to see the positive changes that Islam will bring about in you: greater care to hygiene and appearance, greater discipline in your daily activities and your schoolwork, the fact that you are not falling under negative peer pressure to drink or drug or have sex, that you are more willing to honor your parents by helping around the house, that you are more attentive in your job (if you have one), etc. Allow them time to be pleased with these positive changes, so that they may see that Islam is for the better, not just for you, but for all people. If they see that Islam is “good for you”, they may react more positively when you talk with them about it.

 For Adults

As an adult, especially one who lives on their own, and who may be married, your parents and family are already aware that you are entitled to your own decisions. There are some converts who are not bothered one way or the other with the way their family may react because of this reality. However, for many others, it is important to them that their family respect and accept their decision. It may be difficult, especially if there are children or a disliked son-in-law involved.
An adult who has chosen Islam has to make some of the same considerations as the teen who’s accepted Islam: What is your relationship with your family? What is their religious commitment, or lack of one? What degree of commitment did you have to any prior religions? How open is your family to new ideas?
For the adult, some of the considerations may also include: How do your parents feel about your husband? Do your parents have a history of making you feel obliged to them for favors they have done for you since you left their house? How close are your parents to your children, if any?
Since you don’t live with your parents, it will be easier to allow them the space and time that they need to deal with your announcement.
Make sure that you emphasize that this hasn’t changed you in any radical way, and that you strongly desire to keep your relationship with them intact.
Make sure that they have access to their grandchildren, but at the same time, make it clear to them that you will not tolerate any attempts to teach them anything other than Islam, or allow them to eat haram (unlawful) foods or participate in haram celebrations. In some cases, it might be better if you tell them of your decision alone, so that they can’t “lash out” or place the blame on your husband. Make sure that they know they must deal with you directly.

Dealing with Brothers and Sisters (of the biological type)

Many of us have at least one sibling, and it is important that you deal with any siblings you may have on an individual basis, if at all possible. If you are a teenager, this means talking to younger and older siblings in person, and letting them ask any questions of you that they may have. Let them know you are the same person who may argue about whose night it is to do the dishes, and that you are still their brother or sister. Stress that you still love them, especially if they are very young, and unable to understand why you don’t go to Church anymore.
Above all, make sure that you are acting as a proper role model for both your younger and older brothers and sisters.
If you are an adult, the chances “issues” that you and your siblings have are great, and you may not even be on speaking terms. There is also a larger chance that you all live in different towns and states. When dealing with adult siblings, it is best to write them a letter or make a telephone call in which you can clearly explain your decision and answer any questions they may have. Prepare yourself for resentments that may pop up, especially those surrounding childhood incidents.
Don’t begrudge them for their hurt feelings, and if necessary, allow them time to work through any issues that they may have: it may go deeper than your choice to become a Muslim. Assure them that you are still the same sister who loves to eat cheesecake, or watch football games.
If you are not on civil or speaking terms with a sibling, it may be best to avoid telling them your decision altogether, until you can come to a mutual understanding as family members.

For All New Muslims

The most important thing, and I can’t stress this enough, is that you do not allow yourself to get dragged into a “Christianity vs. Islam,” “Judaism vs. Islam,” “Hinduism vs. Islam,” or any sort of interfaith debate with your parents or other family members.
Oftentimes, I have heard of new Muslims whose parents or siblings are in the Christian ministry, and who have been baited, taunted, and condemned by them. Do not allow them to drag you into a conflict regarding religion at all. If a family member hurls a “judgment” at you (i.e., “You’re a Satan worshipper who’s going to hell!”), do not respond in kind! If your relationship outside of this religious difference is salvageable, then avoid any religious discussions until everyone is willing to discuss it in a more open minded and civilized manner.

The second most important thing is that you do not allow yourself to become an active evangelizer. Avoid aggressive and continuous attempts to convert your family members, as this will only bring resentment and separation between you.

Finally, do not allow yourself to be baited or upset by any “anti-Islamic” things your parents and family might say. Many Americans (and Canadians) hear of Islam only from news reports and movies like ‘Not Without My Daughter.’ Don’t allow them to mock you with jeers of “terrorist,” “wife beater,” and reply with slogans about “Zionists,” and “hypocrites,” etc.

Instead, gently correct any misconceptions they may have about Islam and Muslims. If you are a woman, it is important to reassure them of your rights in Islam, and of your commitment to wear Islamic dress. If they have some very real concerns about your safety as a Muslim woman, try and arrange for them to visit the mosque and talk to the Imam or to get together for coffee with other Muslim friends.

Source: http://www.onislam.net/english/reading-i...uslim.html

The following 5 users Like khadeejah's post:
  • The Creeper, 24theking, Scimitar, star cecile, Tarikko

04-29-2016, 06:34 AM #4
star cecile
Status: Offline Posts:16 Likes Received:25
(04-28-2016, 10:17 PM)Sunflower Wrote:  Assalam sister,

my advice for new revert would be taking it slow. Keep the new faith to themselves and keep praying that Allah will make things easier for you.

Allah knows best why and when He gives you the hidayah. So, when you feel the time is right, just do it.

Nobody know when we are going to die.  The sooner you submit to His Wills the better.

Sorry, I maybe able to think of better advice tomorrow, jnshaAllah. It is obvious that I need to sleep now Smile

how nice it is u saying revert instead of convert.i like it. Shy
The following 6 users Like star cecile's post:
  • Realitybites, The Creeper, 24theking, khadeejah, Tarikko, Scimitar

04-29-2016, 03:05 PM #5
Status: Offline Posts:2,465 Likes Received:6373
Teachings of the Blessed Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wasalam) - How to Behave with Parents

The Importance of Obedience to Your Parents

Parents are to be treated well at all times, and The Almighty's blessings in having enabled you to do this virtuous act, be considered as a great asset in this world as well as in the Hereafter. The respect we ought to pay our parents has been time and again emphasized in the Holy Qur'an. In one of the verses it is stated:

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and ye be kind to your parents." (Qur'an 17:23)

Showing Gratitude towards Parents

Be grateful to your parents. It is one of the cardinal principles of good manners and the acknowledgement of debt. One should be grateful to the parents for all the kindness, extraordinary love, and unparalleled sacrifices hey undergo in bringing us up. The Almighty has decreed that when we render thanks to Him, we should express gratitude to our parents as well.

"And we have enjoined on man (To be good) to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him. And in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), 'Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.'" (Qur'an 31:14)

On the authority of  Abu Ayub Khalid Ibun Zaid Al-Ansari, who said: A man requested; "Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam)! Tell me the action which will get me admitted to Paradise and keep me away from the Hell." He answered:
"Worship Almighty and do not associate anybody with Him: establish Prayer; pay Zakat and join the ties of kinship." -(Bukhari and Muslim)

On the authority of Abu Sufian Sakhr Harb , who said: During his meeting with Heracules, the Roman Ruler, the latter asked him; 'What does your Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) ask you to do?' I said: 'He asked us to worship only One God, and not to associate anybody with him; not to follow the habits and practices of our ancestors; he further asks us to perform prayers (Salat), tell the truth, keep chaste, and to treat our blood relations well.' -(Bukhari and Muslim)

Note: "Not to follow the habits and practices of our ancestors" means that in previous times, people used to follow what their parents did; such as, worshiping idols, stealing, killing, and committing other sins Because their ancestors sinned, people assumed it was justified. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) commanded them to change their behavior and become more righteous.

On the authority of Ibn 'Umar who said: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) said: "He who just returns the visits of his relatives does not completely fulfill the obligation of relationship. But he who ignores the mistakes of his relatives, forgives them, and visits them in order to bind the ties of relationship when they are broken does fulfill the obligations of relationship.' -(Bukhari)

On the authority of Jubair bin Mut'im, who said: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) said: "He who breaks off the ties of blood will not enter Paradise." -(Bukhari and Muslim)

On the authority of Abu Usaid Malik Ibn Rubia Al-Saedi, who said: While we were sitting with the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) a man of the Bani Salamah tribe came and said: "O Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam)! Is there anything, I can now do in benevolence towards my parents after their death? The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) answered: "Yes, by praying for them and soliciting mercy and forgiveness towards them, fulfilling their promises and undertakings, doing kindness to those who may be related to you through them, and respecting their friends." -(Abu Daoud)

Showing Tolerance towards Parents

You should always try to please your parents and avoid deeds that may hurt their feelings, especially when they get old and short-tempered.
In old age people do tend to make unusual demands and claims but it should be tolerated cheerfully without any retort in anger or frustration. It is mentioned in the Holy Qur'an:

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them but address them, in terms of honor." (Qur'an 17:23)

  Service of Parents

Parents should be served earnestly and with sincerity; always keeping in mind the unparalleled kindness and affection shown by them. It is the service of our parents that would lead to our redemption and earn for us The Almighty's blessings.

Your Love and Obligation towards Your Parents

Love your parents and this love should be regarded as an honor and means of recompense and redemption in the Hereafter.  Ibn Abbas narrates the following Hadith of the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam):
"Dutiful and good natured children who cast one loving and affectionate look at their parents, receive from The Almighty blessing equivalent to one approved Hajj (pilgrimage)." -(Muslim)

When the Parents are Non-Muslims

Even if the parents are non-Muslims, they are to be treated well and all courtesy be shown to them. But obedience in matters of religion should be refused and they are not to be followed if they ask you to commit a sin or an act of associating somebody with The Almighty. It is stated in the Holy Qur'an:

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not, ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did." (Qur'an 29:8)

Prayers for Parents

Always pray for your parents, recalling their kindness and beg for their well-being from The Almighty and His Mercies for them. It is mentioned in the Holy Qur'an:

"And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Thy mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." (Qur'an 17:24)

Note:  Muslims must always ask Allaah to guide their non-Muslim parents to Islam.

Special Treatment of the Mother

One should have special regard for his/her mother. It is the mother that carries the fetus in her womb for nine months and then nourishes the child with her milk. It is stated in the Holy Qur'an:

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth." (Qur'an 46:15)

On the authority of Asma'a bint Abu Bakr Al- Siddiq, who said; "My mother came to Medina from Mecca to see me, while she was still an unbeliever. She had come to demand something from me. I inquired with the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam): 'My mother has come to see me and she is expecting something from me. May I oblige her?' He said: 'Yes, be kind to your mother.'" -(Bukhari and Muslim)

Note: This Hadith has two main points:
  1. Be kind to your parents, no matter what their religion is.
  2. A Muslim must be kind to other people no matter what their religion is. For example: The Prophet Mohammed (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) used to visit his Jewish neighbors in Medina. Also the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) used to give charity to his poor Jewish neighbor.
On the Authority of Abu Hurairah,who said: A man asked the Messenger of God (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) who amongst his near ones had the greatest right over him, the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) replied: "Your mother". He asked, "Then who is next?" The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) replied: "Your mother". He again asked, "Then who is next?" The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) replied: "Your mother". He asked: "Then who is next?" The Prophet replied: "Your father." -(Bukhari and Muslim)

On the authority of Al-Mughirah , who said: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasalam) said: "God forbids all of you to disobey your mothers." -(Bukhari and Muslim)
Note: It is very important to obey and respect one's mother in the Islamic religion for the following reasons:
  1. A mother carried her baby for nine months in her womb.
  2. During pregnancy, the mother experiences great hardship. Then during delivery of the child, the mother suffers extreme pain. Many woman die in childbirth.
  3. The mother is the one who feeds and nurtures the baby.
  4. It is an innate instinct for mothers to care more for their children than fathers do.
Almighty God knows best.

The following 4 users Like khadeejah's post:
  • The Creeper, Scimitar, 24theking, Tarikko

06-02-2016, 03:02 PM #6
Grand Commander
Status: Offline Posts:5,735 Likes Received:11601
2009 when the conspiracy hype reached fever pitch, a documentary named The Arrivals was waking people up.

Some of whom, studied further.


Out beyond ideas
of wrong-doing,

and right-doing,

there is a field...

...I'll meet you there.

Jalaluddin Rumi
The following 4 users Like Scimitar's post:
  • Realitybites, khadeejah, Tarikko, The Creeper

06-02-2016, 05:26 PM #7
The Creeper
Status: Offline Posts:2,306 Likes Received:7228
Assalam Alaikom and Jazaak Allah Khair for this thread.

The first thing my mum did when I told her I was a Muslim was call the terrorism police because she thought I was going to join ISIS. It has been all fun and games ever since. When I figure it out I will let you know. Big Grin

On an interesting note, Islam connected all kinds of dots for me, it was like the missing piece of the puzzle, the agenda of the occult elite is now painfully obvious to me (like it wasn't obvious enough already)

"Abdullah, son of Umar, says that the Messenger of Allah stood up among the people, and when he had extolled Allah in a fitting manner he mentioned the Dajjal and said: I warn you of him, and there is no Prophet who has not warned his people. Noah warned his people. You must know that he is one-eyed, whereas Allah is not one-eyed and behold that Dajjal is blind of the right eye and his eye would be like a floating grape."


Does it really get any more obvious than that?

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool – William Shakespear
The following 3 users Like The Creeper's post:
  • Tarikko, khadeejah, Scimitar

06-02-2016, 05:31 PM #8
Grand Commander
Status: Offline Posts:5,735 Likes Received:11601
It's a great start, mashaAllah.

More often than not, reverts make for better Muslims than those born to the faith in my opinion. Allahu Alam. You sure do foloow the middle path well, akhi Creeper Heart your posts leave me humbled - you teach me much about my own shortcomings.

May Allah reward you for your gentle nature and subtle ways, ameen.


Out beyond ideas
of wrong-doing,

and right-doing,

there is a field...

...I'll meet you there.

Jalaluddin Rumi
The following 3 users Like Scimitar's post:
  • Tarikko, khadeejah, DesertRose1

06-02-2016, 08:18 PM #9
Status: Offline Posts:1,043 Likes Received:3136
MashaAllah Creeper you reverted to Islam and you have gladdened the hearts. Big Grin 

Here is the story of Shaykh Yusuf Estes's reversion to Islam.

How Ex-Preacher Yusuf Estes Came To Islam (Full Story)
This post was last modified: 06-02-2016, 08:18 PM by DesertRose1.

"Its better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction."
“O people, spread peace (extend greetings), feed the hungry, and pray at night when people are sleeping and you will enter Paradise in peace.”
[Sunan Ibn Majah 1334 (Sahih)]
The following 2 users Like DesertRose1's post:
  • Tarikko, khadeejah