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zombie terms of service

02-14-2016, 11:49 PM #1
Status: Offline Posts:943 Likes Received:1415
Amazon’s terms of service now covers the zombie apocalypse

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When the zombie apocalypse is upon us, you’ll want to know: Who’s got your back? It turns out shopping giant Amazon has our backs if you are a customer of its Amazon Web Services (AWS). Here’s a recently uncovered section of the Service Terms:

57.10 Acceptable Use; Safety-Critical Systems. Your use of the Lumberyard Materials must comply with the AWS Acceptable Use Policy. The Lumberyard Materials are not intended for use with life-critical or safety-critical systems, such as use in operation of medical equipment, automated transportation systems, autonomous vehicles, aircraft or air traffic control, nuclear facilities, manned spacecraft, or military use in connection with live combat. However, this restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organized civilization.

Yes, that’s right: Amazon has a clause that releases you from its restriction of using AWS for life or safety critical services in the event of a zombie outbreak. The United States Strategic Command has your back, too, if you prefer an organization with a bit more firepower. You can read the unclassified document CDRUSSTRATCOM CONPLAN 8888-11, titled Counter-Zombie Dominance and dated April 30, 2011, to learn more about the Defense Department’s plans for dealing with a zombie crisis.

Specifically, the document states that its developers elected to use a completely impossible scenario that could never be mistaken as a real plan so that its fictional training scenario would not be accidentally mistaken as an actual plan that might cause political fallout. Or (with a tin-foil hat planted squarely on my head) is this claim a clever misdirection by our military leaders? Does Amazon and the Strategic Command know something we don’t?

In fact, Strategic Command identifies numerous zombie types, starting with the garden-variety Pathogenic Zombies, Radiation Zombies, and Evil Magic Zombies, to more obscure types such as Vegetarian Zombies and Chicken Zombies. The plan also identifies task forces to Dominate (Respond/Counter), leading to a Stabilize Environment final phase when dealing with zombies.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC), as noted in Amazon’s AWS Service Terms above, has a Zombie Preparedness website to help you cope in case of an outbreak. It includes a Zombie Blog (which has not been updated since May 16, 2011), helpful Preparedness 101 Zombie Posters for classrooms, and a free-to-download graphic novella titled Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic.

If you are interested in more scholarly reading material, you might want to read When zombies attack!: Mathematical modeling of an outbreak of zombie infection (2009) in Infectious Disease Modeling Research Progress. And let’s circle back to Amazon, which sells the textbook Mathematical Modeling of Zombies. This book is actually prescriptive, as it provides possible ways to deal with the outbreak. Part of the description reads: In order to be prepared for the apocalypse, you’ll need mathematical models, differential equations, statistical estimations, discrete-time models, and adaptive strategies for zombie attacks–as well as baseball bats and Dire Straits records (latter two items not included).

Finally, what would a discussion of a zombie outbreak be without a theme song?

Creative Commons clipart from FocalClipart.

"If we knew our power, we wouldn't get arrogant when we got two pennies
If we knew our power, we would see what everybody sees, that we're rich already!"
The following 3 users Like Freetoday's post:
  • Goku, Trenton, Vytas

02-15-2016, 02:38 AM #2
Status: Offline Posts:756 Likes Received:1423
I know one guy who thinks also that zombie apocalypse will happen...
Though you have to be religious, familiar with prophecies, and crazy, otherwise he doesn't make a lot of sense..
The following 2 users Like Vytas's post:
  • Freetoday, Trenton

02-15-2016, 03:34 AM #3
Status: Offline Posts:947 Likes Received:2335
Lol.... I do hope they're being mildly comical with this, (considering the last 30+ years of zombie sci-fi obsession)

In the films such as Record, and others, the zombie virus isndepicted as violent form of rabies or a simliar virus/bacteria.

My friends dad works (worked) for CDC, and.. Kinda wonder about this sometimes, as he loved games like pandemic, and would talk a bit about zombie scenarios with us...

In fact he got fired from the CDC because (I guess,) he was working as well for the FBI, got found out, and bleh... Fired.

So if the CDC, isn't comfortable being double agent investigated by the FBI, something is very wrong. 

I mean, think about it, they keep polio and smallpox and malaria, and Ebola, and other horrifying diseases (maybe even black plague samples, who tf knows) "just in case"

In case of what? The need of bio warfare? Need to make new vaccines "just in case" there aren't even a few human on the planet who have these diseases? 

And, I'm sure tons of folks suffer from most of these diseases even now, especially in disadvantageous areas of the planet 

Scary to wonder if they plan the "depopulation" agenda with widespread disease.


Like amazon will even come in handy if I'm puking my guts out in a mild coma until I die.

Please folks. Vaccine your children.

Fuck flu shots. But seriously get polio/smallpox/measles shots.

The vaccines do suck for several days after getting them. But it is life saving.

Flu shots are bs because chances are, you'll get the flu.

Fku mutates all the time, every single year, many times. It's not really a prevention.

Fact that wallgreens practically gives away flu shots. I'm not trusting of them.

II can't get my tetinus shot, because its not covered by insurance. Vaccines that are $$$$ probably worth it.

Free vaccines? RFID chips? Fuck that shit folks.

Be safe. Stock up on guns, ammo, TP and canned food. Lol

I know you're coming in the night like a thief, but I've had some time alone, to hone my lying technique. I know you think that I'm someone you can trust, but I'm scared I'll get scared, and I swear I'll try to nail you back up. So do you think that we could work out a sign, so I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try? I know you're coming for the people like me. We've all got wood and nails, turned out in a hate factory.
The following 1 user Likes Trenton's post:
  • Freetoday

02-15-2016, 06:20 AM #4
Status: Offline Posts:1,286 Likes Received:3082
This is gold.

The Walking Dead is back on tonight as well, can't wait.

"If people don't want you to question something, that probably means you should question it." - Michel Templet

The following 1 user Likes Goku's post:
  • Freetoday

02-15-2016, 03:33 PM #5
Status: Offline Posts:943 Likes Received:1415
In Florida, they have had a street drug that basically turns you into a zombie for about two years or more. It's called flaco-- bath salts.

"If we knew our power, we wouldn't get arrogant when we got two pennies
If we knew our power, we would see what everybody sees, that we're rich already!"
The following 1 user Likes Freetoday's post:
  • xoa.

02-15-2016, 05:34 PM #6
Status: Away Posts:603 Likes Received:1310
Trenton, vaccines are free here in the UK... I don't trust em tho. 


"Our lives end when we become silent about things that matter" - Martin Luther King Jr

An Arab poet said:

                  The vast ocean feels no harm
                  When the boy pitches into it a rock.
The following 1 user Likes xoa.'s post:
  • Freetoday