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There's a spiritual war in my head


12-10-2015, 03:55 PM #1
Sidhuriel
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Don't judge; listen please to my whole story. Then answer later.

I'm conflicted; and I am not sure if I am the only one going through this. Or maybe some of you have been through this.

I don't know if it is Demonic attack; or my own thoughts. Hear me out please.

Since I had my near-death experience two months ago; I've been in internal turmoil. Like I said in my introduction post; it prompted me to start researching Christianity.

The night I was rushed into hospital; I couldn't get to sleep after having a heartrate of over 178 for 3 hours straight while doing nothing more than sitting. I was petrified. But I had to sleep so I prayed to God that please; I would survive the night. While I prayed in exhaustion I saw six angels gather around me; and they put their hands on me. I felt them and they healed me; told me I would be safe and I would heal now. Well; I am still alive and 75% of people with a saddle embolism die. So God saved me.

I was a new age kid before; but what I saw made me believe that God was actually the God of Christianity because the angels reminded me of what I saw in my Catholic childhood.

That started my journey; but I am doubtful now. I have researched Christianity a lot the past month; and while it makes sense to me a lot of people here say it is polytheism and therefore not good. However; Christianity is the only religion with a Saviour for mankind. And I am doubtful we're capable of getting to Heaven by deeds alone.

However; I see a lot of violence and aggression in all Abrahamic religions and I am not comfortable with that. I see Christians/Muslims/Jews infight constantly; and I read lots of violent verses in all those books. It turns me off the faith. I hate violence of any kind.

I am a hippy at heart, I believe God is pure love. He sent his angels to save my life while I was a New Age kid. So He doesn't reject me; that's how I feel.

But I don't know what label to give to my beliefs; I'm really torn between just calling myself a ''believer' and refraining from joining anything; and the feeling that I need to make a choice because I can see the NWO agenda being pushed.

This is a very vunerable and honest post. Please respect that by not attacking me for saying this. Thank you Heart
This post was last modified: 12-10-2015, 04:08 PM by Sidhuriel.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness
Only light can do that
Hate can't drive out hate
Only love can do that
Heart

12-10-2015, 04:33 PM #2
The Creeper
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Bless your soul Sidhuriel. You are not alone in this.

Don't judge; listen please to my whole story. Then answer later.

I'm conflicted; and I am not sure if I am the only one going through this. Or maybe some of you have been through this.

I don't know if you have ever heard this story or not but it might help here.

   An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

   “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

   The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

   The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I don't know if it is Demonic attack; or my own thoughts. Hear me out please.

It can be hard to tell sometimes. We don't call shaytan the sneaking, evil whisperer for nothing...

Since I had my near-death experience two months ago; I've been in internal turmoil. Like I said in my introduction post; it prompted me to start researching Christianity.

The night I was rushed into hospital; I couldn't get to sleep after having a heartrate of over 178 for 3 hours straight while doing nothing more than sitting. I was petrified. But I had to sleep so I prayed to God that please; I would survice the night. While I prayed in exhaustion I saw six angels gather around me; and they put their hands on me. I felt them and they healed me; told me I would be safe and I would heal now. Well; I am still alive and 75% of people with a saddle embolism die. So God saved me.


I remember reading it.

You may be being tested right now. A lot of us are being tested right now.
This isn't because God is cruel, it is because he wants to make us stronger.

I was a new age kid before; but what I saw made me believe that God was actually the God of Christianity because the angels reminded me of what I saw in my Catholic childhood.

That started my journey; but I am doubtful now. I have researched Christianity a lot the past month; and while it makes sense to me a lot of people here say it is polytheism and therefore not good. However; Christianity is the only religion with a Saviour for mankind. And I am doubtful we're capable of getting to Heaven by deeds alone.


Despite what Christians like Lisa keep saying, in Islam you do not get into heaven on works alone. The mercy of Allah plays a very important role. Almost every Surah in the Qur'an starts with "In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful". God himself is our saviour. He sent us prophets so they could set an example for us and to deliver good news and a warning.

However; I see a lot of violence and aggression in all Abrahamic religions and I am not comfortable with that. I see Christians/Muslims/Jews infight constantly; and I read lots of violent verses in all those books. It turns me off the faith. I hate violence of any kind.

I hear you on that one, loud and clear. We just pick the one that makes the most sense to us as individuals. I know it annoys people when I say this but I don't care because its the truth. In the Abrahamic religions, it is all the same God. The God of Abraham (pbuh).

I am a hippy at heart, I believe God is pure love. He sent his angels to save my life while I was a New Age kid. So He doesn't reject me; that's how I feel.

But I don't know what label to give to my beliefs; I'm really torn between just calling myself a ''believer' and refraining from joining anything; and the feeling that I need to make a choice because I can see the NWO agenda being pushed.

That, not picking a side thing is what TU does and it is what I used to do. I really relate to a lot of the things you have posted here. You chose Christianity and I chose Islam, we are still both hippies at heart and even calling ourselves hippies is just another label. It really doesn't matter that much. We believe in The One God (The Creator), we are peacemakers, we try our best to be kind to others and speak the truth. God wants us here for a reason sister, your feet are already on the path, all you have to do is walk it.

This is a very vunerable and honest post. Please respect that by not attacking me for saying this. Thank you Heart

I tend not to attack people, unless they attack me first or say something unbelievably stupid. I could see that this was a very honest and genuine post. I hope I have been able to help.
This post was last modified: 12-10-2015, 04:36 PM by The Creeper.

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool – William Shakespear
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12-10-2015, 04:40 PM #3
Todd
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Sidhuriel,

I know exactly what you are feeling.  For 20+ years I had been a charismatic/pentecostal Christian and I know during that 20+ years I have experienced the love, mercy and grace of God.  During that 20+ years I received formal ministry training and even served as a pastor, teacher and worship leader in multiple churches.  

However in the last 3-4 years I have seriously questioned, researched and eventually rejected so many of the orthodox teachings and doctrines of mainstream Christianity, including the trinity, the doctrine of eternal torment, and most recently the saved by grace alone Pauline doctrine.  This has left me without a local church congregation where I can express my beliefs without being ridiculed or labeled a heretic.  

Like you I believe Jesus is more than a prophet, that he is the Messiah, the Christ, the lamb of God....but in the strictest definition of those terms that does not mean he is God.  I agree with much of what the Muslims on this forum believe but because I am still not sure I agree entirely with their belief of who Jesus is, I am not ready to become a Muslim.  I'm still studying that.

I most certainly feel more accepted by Muslims than Christian's and I consider them both my spiritual brothers and sisters.  I have been reading the Quran and intellectually I agree with much of what is written, but it doesn't speak to my heart the same way the Bible does.  I've heard many say the true beauty and glory of the Quran can only be fully realized in Arabic, and that it doesn't come across as well in English.  For this reason I still choose the Bible as my frame of reference (minus the Pauline writings) for my faith, keeping in mind that most English translations were influenced by the doctrine and dogma of the translators.

As humans we have an innate desire to "belong", so I feel your frustration.  But labels are not that important.  Our true identity and sense of belonging should come directly from our relationship with God.  It's a good thing that our salvation is dependent solely on the grace and mercy of God and not on our theology being 100% correct.  If that were the case I doubt anyone would be reconciled to God.

The best label I could give myself at this moment is a follower of the teachings of Jesus. I admit I still have some areas of my spiritual life that need some adjusting for that to be completely true, but that is the current journey I am on.  I pray that you find peace and comfort as you continue in your journey of faith.

Then shall the king say to those on his right hand, Come ye, the blessed of my Father, inherit the reign that hath been prepared for you from the foundation of the world;

And the king answering, shall say to them, Verily I say to you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of these my brethren -- the least -- to me ye did
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12-10-2015, 04:52 PM #4
Yahda
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Good luck with everything and God bless, but to be clear Christianity is the only religion with a savior. The Bible itself ( OT) does not support these claims.

For one, exodus 4:22 along with many other verses state Israel ( God chosen people ) is his son.

Deuteronomy 32:18 God refers his people as his begotten son

Isaiah 28:16 states we have made a LIE our refuge

Isaiah 31 states but they do not look to the Holy One of Israel, and they do not search for the Lord their God.

33:22 states The Lord is our judge, our King, our lawgiver. He is the One that will save us.

Isaiah 43:3 For I am the Lord your God The Holy One of Israel YOUR SAVIOR

11 besides me THERE IS NO SAVIOR 

45:21 A righteous God and a savior, besides me there is NONE

There are many verses like this. The truth of the matter is God never mentioned a savior son, or a son besides Israel ( his chosen people) for that matter.

He also stated a few times that no man can die for your sins.

I think people need to realize that they are accusing God of committing a human sacrafice and impregnating some one else wife. When in the past he never did that with Jacob, Issac, or any of the promised seeds he brought forward. They always came from the man and women.

Not trying to step on anyone's toes but I think it's time we listen to GOD ! If you are waiting on a savior you will be crap out of luck !

No one can go to the words of God (OT) and justify why they pray to, worship, and call on the name of an entity he never mentioned. The more you learn about God, you'd laugh or cry maybe due to how Christians carry on. Smh ! God is not pleased and its blasphemy at the highest level.
This post was last modified: 12-10-2015, 06:06 PM by Yahda.

~Yahda
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12-10-2015, 04:59 PM #5
Loki
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I'm by no means very "sensitive" when it comes to spiritual things, but I've felt spiritual energy before and I'm open tot he idea of there being more to the world than my eyes can behold. If you think that a truly loving God, the same entity that you believe saved your life, cares more about what you call yourself and what book you follow than whether you are happy and healthy then I've got to say I think you are wrong. Whatever the Creator is, he clearly didn't mind that you were a new age hippy if he saved your life. My signature is a quote from Marcus Aurelius, and he gets quite a bit of hate in this community at times, but one of my favorite quotes of all time and one I always consider when it comes to this sort of inner turmoil is as follows:

Quote:Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.

If you want to call yourself a Christian and follow those beliefs and that book and that makes you happy, then go for it. I can tell that you are a good person and so I'm not worried about the awful parts of the religion affecting you. But if certain parts of any religion truly bother you then I highly doubt our actual Creator is going to care what you call yourself during life, and that he would care much more about your actions and your kind and caring spirit. Don't be afraid, and do what makes you feel best. That's the best advice I can give. Good luck in your journey!

“Life is neither good or evil, but only a place for good and evil.”
Marcus Aurelius

"In my opinion, there is a more scientific approach we can take to all hot-button issues. We do this when we stop demonizing the opposing viewpoints or victimizing ourselves, and we acknowledge and account for our own biases and emotions to the best of our ability."
--- Elliott C. Morgan
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12-10-2015, 05:02 PM #6
Sidhuriel
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(12-10-2015, 04:33 PM)The Creeper Wrote:  Bless your soul Sidhuriel. You are not alone in this.
I don't know if you have ever heard this story or not but it might help here.
I know the story indeed; it's a nice one Smile
I try to feed the nice wolf all the time.


You may be being tested right now. A lot of us are being tested right now.
This isn't because God is cruel, it is because he wants to make us stronger.
Yes; this is what I am thinking. The point is that I feel like I am on a crossroads; and I know God has said that the straight path is narrow and the path to hell is broad and clear. I'm trying to figure out which one to walk now I know that He is calling me.

God himself is our saviour. He sent us prophets so they could set an example for us and to deliver good news and a warning.

I do feel that He is; after all I prayed directly to Him and He answered by sending His angels down for me Heart  So I know I need not pray through something/someone else to be heard by God. But I do wonder if this was a  first step on a journey to something else that God intends for me. 

I hear you on that one, loud and clear. We just pick the one that makes the most sense to us as individuals. .
You chose Islam based on logic; then? Not on a spiritual experience? Just trying to understand. What prompted me to do what I did was definitely the angels; not a rational decision. But it did strongly feel like God calling me.
 I really relate to a lot of the things you have posted here. You chose Christianity and I chose Islam, we are still both hippies at heart and even calling ourselves hippies is just another label. It really doesn't matter that much. We believe in The One God (The Creator), we are peacemakers, we try our best to be kind to others and speak the truth. God wants us here for a reason sister, your feet are already on the path, all you have to do is walk it.
Thank you that's encouraging to hear Smile

God bless you too Heart

Darkness cannot drive out darkness
Only light can do that
Hate can't drive out hate
Only love can do that
Heart
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12-10-2015, 05:13 PM #7
Todd
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Yahda, what are your thoughts on Leviticus 17:11. "For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it to you on the altar to make atonement for your souls; for it is the blood by reason of the life that makes atonement."

How do you define Atonement and how do you see the significance of blood for atonement?

Then shall the king say to those on his right hand, Come ye, the blessed of my Father, inherit the reign that hath been prepared for you from the foundation of the world;

And the king answering, shall say to them, Verily I say to you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of these my brethren -- the least -- to me ye did

12-10-2015, 05:24 PM #8
The Creeper
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Muslims believe Jesus is the Messiah, we are awaiting his return just like the Christains are. It is ordained that Jesus (pbuh) will destroy the Dajjal/anichrist. its just a case of..

God > Messiah

Its not that we don't love and respect him and try to follow what he taught like we do with all the prophets. It is just that God alone is the one we should worship.

You might like these bits from the Qur'an about prophet Jesus (pbuh)

(Remember) when the angels said, “O Mary, God gives you good news of a word from Him (God), whose name is the Messiah Jesus, son of Mary, revered in this world and the Hereafter, and one of those brought near (to God). He will speak to the people from his cradle and as a man, and he is of the righteous.” She said, “My Lord, how can I have a child when no mortal has touched me?” He said, “So (it will be). God creates what He wills. If He decrees a thing, He says to it only, ‘Be!’ and it is.” (Quran, 3:45-47)

Then she brought him to her people, carrying him. They said, "O Mary, you have certainly done a thing unprecedented. O sister of Aaron, your father was not a man of evil, nor was your mother unchaste". So she pointed to him. They said, "How can we speak to one who is in the cradle a child?" [Jesus] said, "Indeed, I am the servant of Allah . He has given me the Scripture and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I am and has enjoined upon me prayer and zakah as long as I remain alive. And [made me] dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant. And peace is on me the day I was born and the day I will die and the day I am raised alive." That is Jesus, the son of Mary - the word of truth about which they are in dispute. It is not [befitting] for Allah to take a son; exalted is He! When He decrees an affair, He only says to it, "Be," and it is. [Jesus said], "And indeed, Allah is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him. That is a straight path." Then the factions differed [concerning Jesus] from among them, so woe to those who disbelieved - from the scene of a tremendous Day. How [clearly] they will hear and see the Day they come to Us, but the wrongdoers today are in clear error.
(Qur'an 19:27:38)
This post was last modified: 12-10-2015, 05:34 PM by The Creeper.

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool – William Shakespear
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12-10-2015, 05:24 PM #9
Sidhuriel
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(12-10-2015, 04:40 PM)Todd Wrote:  However in the last 3-4 years I have seriously questioned, researched and eventually rejected so many of the orthodox teachings and doctrines of mainstream Christianity, including the trinity, the doctrine of eternal torment, and most recently the saved by grace alone Pauline doctrine.  This has left me without a local church congregation where I can express my beliefs without being ridiculed or labeled a heretic.
Yep; exactly the things that bother me too. I'm not sure exactly at how I should interpret the Law for Christians; but I think the 10 commandments, the sabbath and eating lawful food (not pork; shellfish and insects) is a minimum. As far as I know there are verses in the Bible that say Faith in Jesus is proven by the works you do.  

Like you I believe Jesus is more than a prophet, that he is the Messiah, the Christ, the lamb of God....but in the strictest definition of those terms that does not mean he is God.  I agree with much of what the Muslims on this forum believe but because I am still not sure I agree entirely with their belief of who Jesus is.
Yep; same boat. I am not feeling compelled to Islam though; if I am honest. Mainly because my near death experience felt so strongly Christian to me.

I most certainly feel more accepted by Muslims than Christian's and I consider them both my spiritual brothers and sisters. 
Because I am such a 'baby'' in the faith I can't really judge this but I have seen that most churches don't agree with my basic ideas of sabbath keeping; the law etc Smile

I have been reading the Quran and intellectually I agree with much of what is written, but it doesn't speak to my heart the same way the Bible does. 
I feel the same way; but that might indeed be a language barrier. Language isn't my forte anyway; considering I have Aspergers syndrome.

 But labels are not that important.  Our true identity and sense of belonging should come directly from our relationship with God.  It's a good thing that our salvation is dependent solely on the grace and mercy of God and not on our theology being 100% correct.
Yes; I am trying to let go of human standards. I'm always the exeption though; because of my Aspergers. And sometimes I feel it would just be nice to not stand out like a sore thumb one time; it sure does get lonely Undecided  Even though I also have the best spiritual experiences alone; I know being alone to be a blessing and a curse. It connects me to God and from the world; which according to the Bible is a mark of the Christian walk. But it can be hard to remain steadfast alone ..


The best label I could give myself at this moment is a follower of the teachings of Jesus
So am I; God bless you Heart

Darkness cannot drive out darkness
Only light can do that
Hate can't drive out hate
Only love can do that
Heart
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12-10-2015, 05:26 PM #10
Trenton
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While I respect the variyimg faiths myself. I am also turned off by the verses in the bible. I haven't finished Qur'an or ever read the old testament. But I do believe in God . it doesn't make sense for me not to since I can't reconcile it.

I understand athiests view on it. I really do. But if God hadn't helped me or answered questions for me real time before, I'd still be athiest.

Don't worry too much. Like you said, God helped you and sent angels to heal you even though you were new age.

I think God will help anyone who needs it if they ask. Were all his children, no matter what. It doesnt matter what you are, as long as you ask and trust him.

I know you're coming in the night like a thief, but I've had some time alone, to hone my lying technique. I know you think that I'm someone you can trust, but I'm scared I'll get scared, and I swear I'll try to nail you back up. So do you think that we could work out a sign, so I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try? I know you're coming for the people like me. We've all got wood and nails, turned out in a hate factory.
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