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What should I do?
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09-16-2015, 02:04 PM #1
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I'm unemployed, broke, balding, living with my parents, about to turn 30, have several health problems, friendless, depressed, and miserable. How can I possibly turn it around?
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09-16-2015, 02:45 PM #2
The Creeper
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If you figure it out I would love to know.

Im skint myself and living with my parents, suffering from depression and I don't have many friends.

The main thing is, don't give up Smile

You could get a hobby, do some gardening, read some books, learn to play an instrument. I know its tough out there, I feel you man but you have to do something with yourself or it only gets worse, you cant sit around and wait for a miracle because they dont often come, so when life provides you with an opportunity you have to jump on that shit. Even if it doesn't work out at least you tried.

30 isn't that old bro. I don't know how to stop yourself from going bald but you could always have a combover or go total skin head. I don't know what health problems you have but you could go out for jogs and eat lots of fruit.

Stay strong man and ask God to guide you.

Thats the best advice I can give you right now, I repeat, don't ever give up!

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool – William Shakespear
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09-16-2015, 02:48 PM #3
Kung Fu
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(09-16-2015, 02:04 PM)mhmdv Wrote:  I'm unemployed, broke, balding, living with my parents, about to turn 30, have several health problems, friendless, depressed, and miserable. How can I possibly turn it around?

Get a job, any will do.

Again get a job so this way you'll have some money because you're living with your parents so it's not like you'll be paying rent.

Who cares if you're balding. Confidence is what really matters. Also start lifting weights and putting on muscle that way you won't be so insecure about being bald.

Living with your parents is a great thing. I wish I could live with my parents still. I live with my wife, which is great but living with my parents it was a whole other kind of happiness.

You're in your prime right now so I don't see the negativity of being 30. I can't wait to be 30. I'm 26 by the way so not too far off.

I'll be your friend.

try getting closer to your family perhaps that could help. I play Monopoly every weekend with family and it's a great way of keeping things exciting and fun.

Finally you can turn it around with one little step at a time. If your genuine in your feelings than why not pray to the One True God and I'm sure your prayers will be answered. Remember it might not happen instantly but perhaps in little pieces.

Prophet Muhammad (SallAllahu alaihi wasalam) said:

"My similitude and that of the life of this world is that of a traveler who took a rest at mid-day under a shade of a tree and then left it."       (Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and al-Hakim)

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09-16-2015, 03:15 PM #4
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The other two mostly covered it. Everyone is an individual so we can't necessarily give you everything you need here just off the top of our heads, but Creeper and KF covered the basics. Living with your parents sounds rough but that means you're probably rent free so any job you get you can begin saving and eventually you'll have enough money and job security to move out on your own. Jobs can also solve the friend thing, but other than that just try to participate in things you enjoy and you will make friends that way. And working out can really help with depression and confidence. You don't need to go to the gym to do if you can't afford a gym membership right now. Just try doing 50 push ups a day for a little while, then bump it up to 100 and then beyond as you increase in strength. Go running. Personally I hate running but it's great to get you in shape and gets those endorphins going.

“Life is neither good or evil, but only a place for good and evil.”
Marcus Aurelius

"In my opinion, there is a more scientific approach we can take to all hot-button issues. We do this when we stop demonizing the opposing viewpoints or victimizing ourselves, and we acknowledge and account for our own biases and emotions to the best of our ability."
--- Elliott C. Morgan
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09-16-2015, 03:35 PM #5
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Life rarely turns out the way we want it too, most people put a lot of pressure on themselves more than anybody else to put overly high expectations on themselves, everybody does it. It can be a good thing but it can always pull you down if you don't cut yourself some slack!

I think the way successful people or seemingly successful people are portrayed to the public as being in the situation through hard work but that's really not the case at all, for most people at least. This idea of the American dream exists in most cultures/countries as some kind of badge of success that anybody has the potential to succeed in this way but if it was that easy there would be no poverty in the world, people wouldn't be homeless or loose their jobs through no fault of their own, may even live in a place where there are literally no jobs. Here in the UK the more money you make the more tax you pay unless you are a huge corporation then you pay 0! We are set up to fail in this respect before we even try unless you are born into a family with money or if you sell your soul pretty much is what it seems.

We also put such high expectations on ourselves with relationships too. So what if you are single, are you happier that way? It does suck if you aren't that way and are single but again a relationship isn't a badge of success!

As for living with your parents! At least you have a roof over your head and a family that cares enough not to see you out on the street which is the case for many people!!

You may well be friendless or feel that way but it wont be like that forever. I have like one friend who moved away last year and my other best friend died a few months ago, it can be lonely at times but a few or even one good friend is much better than a load of fake friends who you cant trust, depend on, have a good relationship with!

As for health problems, let me tell u I have a few severe health problems too. I have been suicidal on and off most of my life, somehow in the last 6 years as my health has really declined I was really almost ready to break/snap/give up but now somehow mentally I cope much better most of the time, certainly gained some kind of clarity on the situations. On some really bad days it does still wear me down and I have the occasional ranting outbursts but it gets it all out my system and I just have to keep reminding myself that despite all the crap I am actually a lot luckier than many other people and that I should be grateful for what I do have.

I think everyone has periods of time like this in their life sometimes, this is normal, at least you are aware or yourself and whats going on around you rather than going through life deluded!! Its a bit more mentally wearing at times but at least you are a thinking human being!!

As for the hair, tough shit on that one I guess. I wish I could sing and looked like a supermodel but that ain't ever gonna happen so I will just sing in private and avoid looking at myself in mirrors like the plague lol
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09-16-2015, 05:07 PM #6
Thy Unveiling
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Ugh i feel that way about mirrors too without makeup on!

For the baldness, I back Creeper's suggestion on just shaving it. Roll with it. Maybe invest in a couple spiffy hats from a second hand shop or something. Clean them first before wearing them! Though being bald, would lice have anything to stick to?

Living with the folks at 30. Been there. It sucks. Especially in an area without much work or public transit when you don't have a vehicle. Temp work has helped quite a few people out. Have you any agencies in the area? The odd one even helps with rides for out of town placements. The one I worked at would send non-drivers with drivers, dock a bit off the non-drivers pay and give that to the driver.

The place I'm at now took me forever to find. I kept getting turned down by different apartments for having nonexistent credit (some view this as bad credit) before finally finding this one, and it was just the place I needed.

Single and not loving it? You'd be glad for it if you encountered this crazy chick a guy friend of mine is with! Drama Sad besides, these things tend to happen when you're not even caring if you meet someone. Give up. Eventually she'll end up on your path. Possibly when you start a new job. Just be careful dating someone you work with. It can get messy if things don't work out.

Friends? I'd rather 1 or 2 true friends over 100 backstabber friends. Also I've found hanging around here probably the best group of people on the internet. Never met any face to face yet. But I consider many of them friends and would love to meet them offline. (I'm actually saving up to meet someone from here asap)

If you stumble upon an under the table job and you get any 100s or 50s, tuck them away in an envelope. Never touch that envelope except to add money to it. This is the fastest way to watch your savings grow and it really helps perk your (well, my) spirits. If you have a drivers license and a vehicle (idk if you do) have you considered a delivery job? Or cab driving? They can pay fairly well sometimes.
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09-17-2015, 05:21 PM #7
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(09-16-2015, 02:04 PM)mhmdv Wrote:  I'm unemployed, broke, balding, living with my parents, about to turn 30, have several health problems, friendless, depressed, and miserable. How can I possibly turn it around?

don't make it worse than it is. this isn't even so bad. modern times.
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09-17-2015, 05:30 PM #8
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Give your life to Jesus Christ.   Smile

Prov 15:7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge: but the heart of the foolish doeth not so.
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09-17-2015, 05:38 PM #9
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What kind of health problems?

Prov 15:7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge: but the heart of the foolish doeth not so.
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09-18-2015, 01:13 AM #10
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You didn't elaborate on what kind of serious health problems you are facing, but if you'd like any nutritional advice feel free to PM me and/or respond on this thread!  I'm a former nutritional therapist.  Nutrition can really help with depression and other psychological issues, I know this from experience.  I used to be depressed, lacking in motivation, and feeling like my life was going nowhere too.  And depending on what your other health problems are, you still might be able to turn them around.  30 isn't very old, your body is still very resilient and given the right nutrients you can probably see significant positive change.

As far as being unemployed goes, I know it can be very hard to find a job when you've been unemployed.  So think outside the box, and start your own business if at all possible.  Back when I was 20 I started my own eco-friendly housecleaning business.  It was not that hard to get started - I went out and spent $400 on a really good vacuum, bought some natural cleaning supplies, some rags, and a caddy to carry everything.  I posted a free ad on craigslist and charged a bit less than what other people were charging.  That way I got clients even though I didn't have any testimonials right away.  When I did a job and my clients were really happy with my cleaning, I would ask if they wouldn't mind giving me a testimonial.  After awhile I felt confident enough to raise my price, with the testimonials to back it up.  Granted, I had some housecleaning experience, but it was the first time I had ever gone into business for myself.  And the result was that I was able to make at least double per hour what most cleaning companies would pay a housekeeper.  I could set my own schedule, decide how many hours I wanted to work, and if I hated working for one of my clients I could quit!  And no shitty boss to deal with.  It was great.  Hard work but great.

So if you spend some time thinking about what skills you have or might be able to develop, I think that would be a better use of your time than applying for a million jobs.  If you succeed it would give you some confidence that you obviously desperately need.  Carpet cleaning might be a good option.  You can get a pretty decent commercial carpet cleaning machine for under $2000, and operating a carpet cleaner isn't exactly rocket science.  Basic landscaping (mowing, hedge trimming, edging, weeding, pruning, leaf blowing, etc.) might be another good option to consider.  There are probably a lot of different options if you really think about it.  If you're truly broke you could either ask your parents to lend you the money to get started, paying them back as quickly as possible (which would be pretty easy to do if you're living rent free), or you could get a credit card with 0% interest for 6 months.  But if you decide to go into debt to start a business, you need to be sure you've done your research into the industry, have competitive rates, advertise properly, and just are really committed in general to making the business work.

Another option for work might be to look into internships that could give you the experience you need to get a job later on.  My husband was unemployed for a long time when I first met him, and then he went through a period of working a bunch of really random jobs that didn't really work out.  Eventually he decided to do a paid internship at an heirloom seed farm where he didn't really make that much money, but he learned a lot of skills.  He worked a few other part time jobs on various farms after that, which were much easier to get after he did that internship.  Next he moved on to managing an upscale vegetable farm associated with a fancy farm-to-table restaurant.  And eventually he moved on to starting his own farm.  None of that would have been possible without the internship.  So it's something to consider.

Making friends can be difficult if you're currently isolated.  My best advice is to think of the activities you enjoy doing, and try to find other people around your age who enjoy the same things.  The internet can be great for that.  I met my husband when we were both new in town and didn't know anybody and were both hoping to make new friends.  He plays guitar so he posted an ad on craigslist looking for people to jam with, and I answered his ad.  Normally I wouldn't have ever considered doing something like that as I'm a very introverted person, but I felt so isolated and was just desperate to meet someone like minded that I could spend time with, and I knew there had to be other people out there in the same situation feeling the same way.  And it just so happened that the one person I met ended up being so similar to me in so many ways, yet different enough to still make it really interesting and for us to learn a lot from each other.  He's the best friend I've ever had, and soon enough it became obvious that we were meant to be together.  Never in a million years could I have imagined that that would be the result of doing that one little thing out of character, answering that ad.  I've found that when you put yourself out there, take some risks, and move a little out of your comfort zone, amazing things can happen.  Sometimes in order for a miracle to happen, you have to have the courage to put yourself in the position for it to happen.

And last but not least, it might sound cliche but focusing on the positive and having gratitude is really healing.  I was a total pessimist for most of my life, and I used to scoff at people who recommended positive thinking.  I thought they were just in denial.  But at one point I was in a really dark place, and a friend of mine told me to spend time thinking about all the things I'm grateful for - even if I could only think of one thing, just to muster up as much gratitude as I could and just bask in that feeling.  And you know, as resistant as I was to the idea at first, I ended up trying it.  I figured, what the heck, nothing else I've been doing has worked, I might as well try it.  And it certainly wasn't a quick fix, but over the years I've really come to see that that was a turning point for me in a lot of ways.  It was the beginning of the end of my obsessive negativity.  There is something positive in every situation, no matter how bad it may seem.  Sometimes it may take years to be able to see the positive, but it is always there.  Sometimes a horrible experience can teach you a lesson that you may not have been able to receive any other way, and that lesson could change your life.  Or something that seems bad like the end of a relationship or losing a job or a friend breaking your trust can be the start of a new beginning that is better than anything you could have imagined.  It takes courage to have the kind of faith I'm talking about, faith that no matter what you're experiencing now, this too shall pass, and many new doors will open.  But it's well worth it.
This post was last modified: 09-19-2015, 11:42 AM by umphreak.
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